I was looking at the “men 4 women” area of craigslist.com (DC) recently. Research…yep that’s what I was doing. I saw several notes posted from African Americans saying out right that they did not want responses from other African Americans (SBF, SBM, and SBW). “SBF need not respond” was in one of the titles. Now, from what I saw, there aren’t that many black people looking for love or lust on CL…but there were a few. They noted various classic “character traits” and stereotypes that you hear about black people in general and blacks in relationships.
- general drama
- lack of jobs
- baby momma drama
- lack of adequate housing (you live with parents, you live with “friends”, you live with your boyfriend or girlfriend)
- overweight (African American BBWs)
- Thug mentality
- Drug use (420 friendly)
- lots of children
- angry and mean (personality issues, especially black women)
- jail birds
- uneducated/not worldly (never traveled, never “been anywhere”)
You get the picture. It was all very very sad. Being a techie, I find that most african americans you find online, who are very comfortable online (i.e. comfortable enough to date someone they met online) are educated, worldly, balanced, professional people. Sure, I’ve been on sites like blackplanet, I’ve heard about “Nude Africa”, but that’s not all black people.
It’s hard enough when we face discrimination from other races, now we are weeding each other out in the dating game. But, it’s not just a matter of perference. Sistas can’t find a man and are always crying about not having a good black brother. However, many sistas are overweight, have bad attitudes, and many have a “few” kids on top of that. The thing is…black women don’t have the luxury of being picky because the numbers are not in our favor. Competition is a B I T C H. If I was a black man, I guess I would date whoever I wanted to, hell it’s like 1 to 5 if you count just black women. Most likely the numbers jump to 1 to 8 if you add white women to the mix…mayber higher. This might make me really, really picky if I was in their shoes.
I think black women should expand their options, but not abandon their brothers. Black men should be open to the unique values (cultural and otherwise) that black women bring to the table. For both sides, I think that we must develop stronger and smarter criteria when dating. Your criteria should be more than race, skin color, beauty, size, etc. It should include things that cannot be explained in an online profile or posted as an image online.