Hello, Negros and Non-Negro friends!,
I run another blog, singlesista.com, where I talk about African American Women finding love. As a single African American women, I’ve found that one of the major topics of conversation among my single sistafriends is how to meet a good man and have a long term relationship that could possibly result in marriage. I personally think it has a lot to do with the overall pool (and shortage in that pool) of available black men. However, I’ll save my detailed thoughts on that for another time. I’m many times scowled at when I propose the possibility that black women may have to get comfortable the possibility with being alone for the rest of their lives due to a number of factors….
1. Men don’t find them attractive (Weight, let themselves go, dating younger women, men are visual..etc)
2. They are too picky and don’t want to “settle” for less than the brother that fits their “list”. Not tall enough, not “black” enough, doen’t make enough…etc
3. They don’t try hard enough. They think a good black man is going to just magically appear. Most of these women don’t date online or go out of their way to be in the presence of men (it’s a numbers game).
4. They don’t acknowledge that murder (crack was king in the late 80’s and 90’s), the prison system, homosexuality being more accepted in society (and the down low)…all affect the numbers of available men. The ratio of single black men to single black women 1-5 or more in many cities.
5. They don’t date outside of their race.
I’d like to know what you think about number 5. Here are some reasons I’ve found as to why black women don’t date outside of their race.
- Dating outside of your race is something that African American women have routinely bad mouthed African American men for doing. It’s very, very hypocritical for those same women to now date white, hispanic, asian…men.
- Black women assume that men of other races (most notably white men) don’t find them attractive. One of the major reasons why…They don’t get hit on by men of other races. Some of this can be explained by where black women spend their leisure time and where they meet men (all black environments, such as church, vs. mixed environments).
- Black women are taught in the home and the culture that the perfect man for them will be a black man.
- Connotation from slavery (domination by a white master, rape) still linger in the subconscious of black culture
- Family and community may not approve. Many black men are offended by black women dating white men, and feel it’s a betrayal.
- The need to have a partner in the struggle, someone who understands the black experience
- Not wanting to be desired because of your ethnicity, “black concubine” syndrome
Why should black women date outside of their race? What do you think about it. Are you a black woman who’s been involved in an interracial relationship. Tell me the positive, negative and in between.