Category Archives: relationships

“Think Like a Man…”: Are you shocked at the success of this movie?

IF you are shocked at the success of “Think Like a Man“, I have one word for you.  “Boomerang“.

1992 was the year and Boomerang was THE movie.  I love that movie.  I wish they would get the band back together and make a sequel!  Someone please tell Reginald Hudlin that there is money in the air.  And tell Eddie Murphy too…his last few movies have been terrible to so-so.

Wikipedia: Released in the United States on July 1, 1992, Boomerang received mixed reviews from film critics. Nevertheless, the film was a commercial success, ranking as the 18th highest grossing film in North America that year. Boomerang earned over $131 million worldwide during its theatrical run.

There hasn’t been a black relationship movie with that kind of star power behind it in a minute.  Hallie Berry, Eddie Murphy, Robin Givens, Martin Lawrence, Eartha Kitt…wow.  If you can think of another movie with a majority black cast that can compare, please comment below.

In terms of talent, I’m comparing the 2 casts and overall star power moment in time to moment in time.  The cast of “Boomerang” went on to do a lot of great acting and many were young and full of potential at the time.  I don’t think this is a total apples to apples comparison talent and acting wise.  That being said, I can see many parallels.

The other star power involved is that of Steve Harvey.  Harvey is said to have an audience of about 6 million listeners in more than 60 markets.  With that following and Oprah’s blessing of the book this movie is based on…I’m not surprised that the movie reached #1 and made 33 million.

Sidenote: Yes, yes, I know who Tyler Perry is, but I don’t put his movies in the same category.  Not taking anything away from his success, I think of him as a phenomenal businessman who is very focused on black audiences.  I don’t think he’s trying to put out mainstream movies for mainstream success.   He’s doing what has worked for him for years, just on a huge scale due to his success.

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Filed under african american, black men, black women, culture, relationships, women

So, We’re All Ugly Just Because Some People Aren’t Into Black Chicks?

Personal Opinion is not fact.  Asking men about their preferences when it comes to women and attaching some pseudoscience to it doesn’t make your research air tight.  I need someone to explain the concept of opinion polls to the blogger over at Psychology Today who had the audacity to try to pass his bias off as science.  The title of the blog post I’m talking about is “Why Are Black Women Less Physically Attractive Than Other Women? Why black women, but not black men?”. Psychology Today has since taken the post down, but you can read it here.  You can read more about this here as well.

Here’s an excerpt:

What accounts for the markedly lower average level of physical attractiveness among black women? Black women are on average much heavier than nonblack women. The mean body-mass index (BMI) at Wave III is 28.5 among black women and 26.1 among nonblack women. (Black and nonblack men do not differ in BMI: 27.0 vs. 26.9.) However, this is not the reason black women are less physically attractive than nonblack women. Black women have lower average level of physical attractiveness net of BMI. Nor can the race difference in intelligence (and the positive association between intelligence and physical attractiveness) account for the race difference in physical attractiveness among women. Black women are still less physically attractive than nonblack women net of BMI and intelligence. Net of intelligence, black men are significantly more physically attractive than nonblack men.

There are many biological and genetic differences between the races. However, such race differences usually exist in equal measure for both men and women. For example, because they have existed much longer in human evolutionary history, Africans have more mutations in their genomes than other races. And the mutation loads significantly decrease physical attractiveness (because physical attractiveness is a measure of genetic and developmental health). But since both black women and black men have higher mutation loads, it cannot explain why only black women are less physically attractive, while black men are, if anything, more attractive.

The only thing I can think of that might potentially explain the lower average level of physical attractiveness among black women is testosterone. Africans on average have higher levels of testosterone than other races, and testosterone, being an androgen (male hormone), affects the physical attractiveness of men and women differently. Men with higher levels of testosterone have more masculine features and are therefore more physically attractive. In contrast, women with higher levels of testosterone also have more masculine features and are therefore less physically attractive. The race differences in the level of testosterone can therefore potentially explain why black women are less physically attractive than women of other races, while (net of intelligence) black men are more physically attractive than men of other races.

Personally, I’m outraged about this.  Not surprised, but outraged.  Black women birth black babies and further the black race.  Thus, “they” must attack, berate, and abuse us in the media or otherwise.  Don’t believe me?  Google “Michelle Obama”.

There is also a long history of psychology research focusing on the suggested inferiority of Black people.  Has history taught us nothing?  It has taught us to know racist and eugenic talk from the psychological community a mile a way.

To the author:
You might as well use “negroid” or “ape-like” in your piece, Mr. Kanazawa.  “The only thing I can think of…”, you say??  That sounds like you are trying to pass off your opinions as fact.  Beauty has always been in the eye of the beholder.  Just say that you don’t find black women attractive and that your opinion is shared by some other men.  This is America and we have the right to voice or opinions.  We all know what color Barbie is and that the European standard of beauty is the STANDARD.  You as an Asian man know the struggles that Asian women go through trying to conform.  As a person of color, you should realize how people of color in America see themselves differently than how those outside of their race see them.

Black women are not less attractive, as your title states.  Opinion is just opinion.  Men just like what they like.  As an old song said, “If you don’t like it, don’t knock it.   Somebody else might wanna rock it.”

Questions

  • What is “AddHealth”?
  • Who paid for this study?

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Filed under african american, beauty, black women, culture, love, opinion, race, racism, relationships, sex, society, white folks, women

Black Women Opening Up to the Idea of Dating White Men

When I first arrived in DC, I would say that it was extremely rare to see an interracial couple composed of a Black Woman and a White Man.  An Oddity of sorts.  Now, don’t get me wrong.  I’m all for it.  Other than a few visions of Master/Slave forced relations that pop into my head at the initial thought, I think it’s a win win.

In the last 2 years, on the streets of DC, I’ve noticed a huge rise in the number of Black Women and White Men I see coupled up.  I’m talking young, old, professional, yuppies, bohos, BMW drivers, and pickup truck enthusiasts.  Blacks and whites of all different strata.  I know Essence did an article on this topic maybe a year ago, so maybe people took that as a permission slip.  I’m just wondering, Hello Negro family, if you’re seeing what I’m seeing and what you think about it? Does this form of interracial dating carry the stigma that Black Man/White Woman dating does for some in the African American community?

Honestly, I’m real tried to hearing the “I can’t find a man” swan song from African-American professional women who have never tried online dating or interracial dating (two things I usually recommend when I hear people bitching about their singleness).  Time to get down with the swirl, Ladies.

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“Baby Momma” and other things that are not job titles

“Baby Momma” is not a job title.  It should not be the period at the end of your life’s run-on sentence.  I don’t care if your Baby Daddy is Lil Wayne and you’re standing at Rikers Island today with arms wide open and a fresh weave (all 3…I mean 4 of yall…I think…hell I don’t know how many chicks have had Lil Wayne’s kids!).

I know a whole lot of strong single moms out there who are not just “baby mommas”.  They are working professionals, artists, spiritual sages, supportive friends, and so much more.  I’m seeing a wave on TV and online (blogs mostly) where black women who have had babies by male stars are simply referred to as “So-in-so’s Baby Momma”.  Not the “Girlfriend” or “Ex-girlfriend”.  Not the “Mother of his child”.  No acknowledgement of the fact that some of these women are stars in their own right, business owners, etc.  I take issue with this because we live in an aspirational society where we see black girls striving to be video vixens.  I’m talking “stand there and shake you butt” chicks, not I have a “M.F.A in Dance from Howard” professional dancers.  (I can respect strippers more than video models because they have a regular gig and can work a 40 hour week.)  Will young girls looking for acceptance and wanting the fame decide that being the “Baby Momma” of some notable man is the new route to stardom?

Just because you get a check doesn’t make it a job.  Things happen.  A lot of women are single moms, but most of the ones I know would not suggest someone take on that role in an effort to come up in the world.  It’s not different than aspiring to win the lottery or play for the NBA…most that try won’t win and most try won’t play.

Other things that aren’t job titles:

  • BOSS – Said the way Fantasia’s brother says it.  If you don’t have employees on a payroll, you’re not a boss
  • Jumpoff
  • Video Vixen – Not the same as a model
  • Rapper – If you are over the age of 40 and you’re not legend in the game.  It could be a hobby, though.

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No Wedding, No Womb: Sistas, Let’s Lead the Cause

I know black women who won’t swim because they might get their perm or weave wet.

I know black women who won’t let you borrow their keys or give you a place to stay for a week or two.

I know black women who would give you their last dime

I know black women who are so convincing, they could talk a leopard out of its spots.

I know black women who manage each dime of their paycheck like they are working for the Obama Administration and correcting the BS of the American banking system.

I know black women who are the coldest, most put together people on the planet.

I’ve seen black women overcome obstacles, handle their business, love like no other, help their communities, and carry the load.  We can be opinionated, steadfast, loving, passionate, pushy and exacting.  Even our errors are correct, as Nikki Giovanni might say.   We are some of the strongest people on the planet and we often have to make some serious decisions.  One of the toughest decisions can be who we share our bed with, our womb with. However, I know a LOT of women who have made a conscious decision to wait until they are married to conceive.

This is why I believe that the goal of the NO Wedding, NO Womb campaign is something that Black Women can really embrace.  NWNW calls for WOMEN [and men] to put the needs of children first, and advocates that couples abstain from having children until they are emotionally, physically and financially able to care for them.

Is this about bashing single mothers?  NO.  Frankly I know a lot of single mothers who would happily embrace the concept that people should think long and hard about having a child out-of-wedlock.  There are burdens and joys to being a single mom.  I believe that most would not call it all roses.

Black women, we control access to our wombs.  We carry the genes of slave foremothers who did not have choice when it came to reproduction, but have passed on their strength to us.  WE can make a difference in our communities by embracing the message that African-Americans should consider waiting until marriage to have children.

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Your Thoughts on Black People and Online Dating

What do you think about African-American and Online Dating?  What has been your experience?  Would you recommend it to your friends?  Do you think that it would open up multi-cultural options for single Black women?  What are your thoughts?

My Opinion:  I’ve tried a number of dating sites in the past.  EHarmony was the worst. I suggest the recruit more African-Americans and other ethnicities for balance.  They could consider creating a campaign targeting African-Americans that plays on the “Christian values” part of their market.  A lot of holy rollers looking for love would go for that.  I’ve heard that BlackPeopleMeet is pretty bad in terms of people acting like they are on Craigslist’s Casual Encounters.  As an African-American woman, I found my overall online dating experiences lacking.  I’m  someone who wanted a real relationship and not just something casual.  However, I came to believe that you have to lower your expectations when you’re dating online because 1) People lie (and post old photos), 2) Married people and people who should be allowed to date are trolling on these sites (check out dontdatehimgirl.com) and 3) Online dating doesn’t bring out the best in everyone.

Something to consider: In the past, Gallup polls have shown  that half of all Black Americans believe it’s “very important” for couples to marry when they have a child — yet according to research from Packaged Facts, more than six out of ten Black Americans are unmarried, thereby making that group the most unattached in America.

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Chris Brown Cries Out For Help

Did Chris Brown appeal to his fans to prey for him?  No.  Did he put a call out saying that he’s working with a domestic violence organization and he wants people to support a new campaign against teen domestic violence?  NO.  Chris Brown has sent out an appeal to his fans to help him get radio air play.

Global Grind reports: Chris Brown has received a lot of flack since the incident withRihanna. Now Chris Brown is asking for the help of his fans to help him get back to the top of the charts. Chris Brown took to his SayNow page to plead for help from his friends. Chris Brown said:

“I ain’t never really did this but right now I need all of my fans help. A lot of radio stations aren’t playing my records. They are not being that supportive and I wouldn’t expect them to. It’s on the fans and what you guys do in your power to bring me back. That’s all I need is you guys and nothing else will do that except for the fans.”

Chris Brown continues on by saying he’s doing everything he needs to do but leaving it by saying:

“It’s on ya’ll. My singing and my music I do it for you guys and everything else but it won’t be possible if I’m not relevant on the radio and it wouldn’t be possible for me to be an artist if I don’t have the support.”

Chris Brown closes by saying he loves his fans.

  1. Chris, please ask your PR person to review your SayNow.com posts for consistency sake.  You don’t have to write like a Harvard grad, but you should use standard english.  I know that people want to sound authentically hood. I guess it’s about street cred.
  2. If you want people to stop hating on you, you need to be really, really apologetic.  Sure, you’ve apologized already.  Keep apologizing.
  3. To support someone is an endorsement of their personal brand.  A personal brand can be changed but it can’t be changed by the fans.

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Filed under african american, angry, black, black man, celebrity, opinion, relationships

48% of Black Women Have Herpes

Damn. Black Women, we have been dealt another blow.

I’m still reeling from the HIV/AIDS stats that came out last year, so this is terrible to hear.  By-the-way, bid you know today, March 10th is Women and Girls HIV/AIDS Awareness Day 2010?   HIV has now become the leading cause of death among Black women ages 25 to 34.  Add to that the news that CDC is reporting that 48% of Black Women in America have herpes, and you have a serious problem that no one is talking about.  (Overall, the CDC estimates that one in six Americans is infected with the herpes virus.)

Black folks, we typically don’t discuss our sexual business in public, but I think we need to start being more open and honest about our sex lives.  Education and Accountability are in order.

Where is the black church on this?  Where is the outrage from our “leaders” and calls for education and personal responsiblity?  Black women are the backbone of our communities and they are facing a major challenge.  What are your thoughts on this?

More info:

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Happy “I’ze Married Now!” Day to All My Black DC Gays and Lesbians

I’m straight, but i’m no hater.  I want to give a congratulations shout out to all of the gay and lesbian folks in Washington, DC who can now get married.  The Washington Post reports that couples lined up beginning at 6 a.m. at the D.C. district courthouse, vying to be among the first same-sex couples to apply for marriage licenses.  Good for them. Whether it’s mixed race couples, couples from different sides of the tracks, or people who get married and everyone knows they shouldn’t…we all deserve to choose who we walk down the isle with.

When we start picking and chosing who gets what rights and who deserves what freedoms, we get onto a slippery slope.  There was a time when African Americans were not free to live where they wanted to live, marry who they loved, or just go have a burger at the local diner just because of the social norms and stereotypes that helped shape American law.  Discrimination was  the law.  Treating one group as lesser than another was the law.  I’m so glad to say that discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation when it comes to marriage is no longer the law here in the District.

PS: You better make sure that marriage comes with same-sex divorce too.  I’m just saying.  LOL

Photo: Michael K. Cole & Jamil Smith Cole. The two jumped over the broom Atlanta Georgia in 2009.

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Juan Williams, get over yourself!

Juan Williams’ recent comments on the O’Reilly Factor regarding Michelle Obama were quite disturbing. Among other things, he stated that Michelle is basically a liability to Barack, her instinct is to blame America and play the victim, and likened her to Stockley Carmichael in a dress. This morning in an interview on the Tom Joyner Morning Show, Roland Martin and Cybil Wilkes tried, unsuccessfully, to get him to see the damage he’s doing by making such comments. I thought they were being too polite (though I can tell Cybil was ready to go there), but I understand… Wow, how much do you really hate yourself Juan??? This disturbs me so much as we’re just coming off a beautiful inauguration celebration and appreciation for the loving black families that don’t get this type of spotlight. I agree with the analysis provided by News Hounds, even about Bill O’Reilly’s blamelessness in the whole matter. Let me add that I am not a fan of Juan Williams and would be quite careful about paying attention to any of his criticism of women given his sexual harassment charges back in the day at The Washington Post.  Yes,  Michelle is strong but that it not synonymous with angry, militant, or a liability. In Michelle Obama I see a strong, loving, supportive woman that is appreciated by her strong, loving, supportive husband as his partner in life. Sounds like someone has mommy issues…

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