Category Archives: sex

Couple Thoughts from Your Girl

I haven’t been writing as much as I should.  I’m going to try to correct that in the new year.  Anywhoo, a lot is going on these days, so I’m going to start posting some random thoughts and I’m sure expound on some of these later.

1.  Why does it always take so long for organizations to recognize that their employees are pedophiles?  Priests, football coaches, teachers, etc can all be seen with young boys and young women in compromised ways but yet no one sees or tells until the person is dead or more than 50 years old?

2. Herman Cain never had a chance.  Really.  If America is shocked by the turn of events that lead to him leaving the race, then our school systems really are failing us.

3. There was an uproar from women’s orgs and birth control supporters about the sale of Plan B contraceptives to teens being blocked.  I need NOW, Planned Parenthood and all the other orgs that spoke out to be just as vocal about STDs like AIDS.  Get on the bandwagon for a cure people.  Sure, a teen could get pregnant and need Plan B or opt for an abortion, but there is not medical treatment or pill to get rid of HIV, HPV, etc.  The issues are more complex than just birth control.

4. Newt Gingrich can’t be president of the United States because…

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Django Unchained: I’m not interested in any movie where black women are repeatedly raped

I don’t know about you, but a movie featuring mildly thought out black female slave characters who are repeatedly raped at a club for white slave owners is not my idea of a great film.  I don’t want to see a female slave raped in front of her husband.  I don’t want to see her tortured and degraded…or locked in a cage naked.  OH and I’m not too keen about this content combined with a whole lot of other blaxploitation style slave torture (Whippings, beatings, etc).

What am I talking about?  Django Unchained.  The upcoming Quentin Tarantino film set to be released in Dec 2012 that black women need to start protesting now.  I mean really!!  We need to get on this, SIS. (I’m not going to even start on how I’m not for this movie coming out the month after Obama wins…again.  Let’s be real, no black person will want to see this if he loses either.)  Remember when Disney tried to give the first Black Princess the name “Maddy” (Too close to Mammy)?  Yep, WE got that changed and that wasn’t as bad as this.

Some sistas are ready to organize: “If all goes as the leaked script has planned for this “comedy”, audiences will get to see the character “Broomhilda”, an enslaved Black woman, naked for almost her entire time on screen, flashing her breasts on a slave auction block, and graphically raped – repeatedly – throughout the movie, at least 4 or 5 times, by individual and groups of white men. It’s also reported that this character is degraded in other ways throughout the movie, like being doused in mud, locked in a cage, and raped in front of her husband. Supposedly, all in good fun. And judging from Tarantino’s history of extremely graphic and offensive imagery in his past “comedic” works such as “Pulp Fiction”, the imagery used to degrade Black women in this so-called “comedy” will not be lighthearted fare. ” (Stop The Media Smear Campaign Against Black Women)

The script leaked and the reviews are all over the internet from those who have seen it.  Sure, Sure, a script can change and this one should if what I’m reading is correct.  Jamie Fox, Samuel L. Jackson, and Kerry Washington have been named as potential actors interested (Here is a list of the roles in the movie).  I don’t think they would sign on to something as terrible as what I’ve read, but you never know.  The economy is bad.  Hell, Jamie did star in “Booty Call”.  He’s apparently up for the lead role.  Funny thing, people who’ve read the script are saying that the lead is not the “Mandigo”/Nat Turner role people think it’s going to be.  He’s playing second fiddle most of the film to a German bounty hunter who takes him under his wing.  Think of Tommy Lee Jones working with Will Smith’s character in Men in Black…but make Will a slave.  Yeah, something like that.  A slave revolt/retribution movie with a white male lead as the star.  That’s Hollywood.

Shadow and Act says: “I’ve Read Tarantino’s “Django Unchained” Script, And, Well, It’s Not Nat Turner’s Revolt…”

“Speaking of its blaxploitation influences… regarding the lead female character in this, named Broomhilda, Django’s slave wife, whom he’s separated from, and seeks. She’s the lead female in the film, but her part is limited to really just physicalities. She has the most screen time of any other woman in the film, which is why I call her the lead female character, but, really, there’s no Shosanna in this one, as there was in Inglorious Basterds. The black female “lead” here doesn’t get the same kind of dignified treatment that Tarantino gave Shosanna. Not even close. Yes, I know it’s a different time altogether, but, I’m sure he could have afforded Broomhilda some complexities, and maybe even made her a heroine in her own right.

There are some 4 or 5 scenes in which the she’s, shall we say, “exposed”… i.e. naked; and they felt gratuitous to me; 2 in which she’s raped by white men. When we first meet her, she’s on the auction block and asked to bare her breasts to potential buyers; later, she’s chased through a hotel, through hallways, and lobbies, etc, by a slave master, completely naked, after being woken up from sleep, with a whip across her naked body; and still later, she’s locked up naked in a steel box as punishment for trying to run away. Yes, I’m sure these are all scenarios that very well likely could have played out at the time; however, Tarantino could have opted to depict her in another light altogether, but instead chose this less flattering, exploitative one.”

I feel a campaign a-brewing to get the makers of this flick to scrap some of that exploitative sexual violence towards black women.   Oh and I’m sure that people (Spike Lee) will be mad about use of the N-word.  It will be Roots all over again for some of you, since it’s a period piece. If people thought there were a lot of N-words thrown around in “Jackie Brown” or “Pulp Fiction”, they haven’t seen anything yet.

I hope the script is a dry run because the concept his potential.  Hey, I’m up for a slaves vs. masters revenge movie.  Sure Quentin, show or all the brutality and violence.  Put it in people’s faces.  However, historical accuracy doesn’t call for this level of sexual violence against black women.  It’s not funny.  It’s in bad taste.


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So, We’re All Ugly Just Because Some People Aren’t Into Black Chicks?

Personal Opinion is not fact.  Asking men about their preferences when it comes to women and attaching some pseudoscience to it doesn’t make your research air tight.  I need someone to explain the concept of opinion polls to the blogger over at Psychology Today who had the audacity to try to pass his bias off as science.  The title of the blog post I’m talking about is “Why Are Black Women Less Physically Attractive Than Other Women? Why black women, but not black men?”. Psychology Today has since taken the post down, but you can read it here.  You can read more about this here as well.

Here’s an excerpt:

What accounts for the markedly lower average level of physical attractiveness among black women? Black women are on average much heavier than nonblack women. The mean body-mass index (BMI) at Wave III is 28.5 among black women and 26.1 among nonblack women. (Black and nonblack men do not differ in BMI: 27.0 vs. 26.9.) However, this is not the reason black women are less physically attractive than nonblack women. Black women have lower average level of physical attractiveness net of BMI. Nor can the race difference in intelligence (and the positive association between intelligence and physical attractiveness) account for the race difference in physical attractiveness among women. Black women are still less physically attractive than nonblack women net of BMI and intelligence. Net of intelligence, black men are significantly more physically attractive than nonblack men.

There are many biological and genetic differences between the races. However, such race differences usually exist in equal measure for both men and women. For example, because they have existed much longer in human evolutionary history, Africans have more mutations in their genomes than other races. And the mutation loads significantly decrease physical attractiveness (because physical attractiveness is a measure of genetic and developmental health). But since both black women and black men have higher mutation loads, it cannot explain why only black women are less physically attractive, while black men are, if anything, more attractive.

The only thing I can think of that might potentially explain the lower average level of physical attractiveness among black women is testosterone. Africans on average have higher levels of testosterone than other races, and testosterone, being an androgen (male hormone), affects the physical attractiveness of men and women differently. Men with higher levels of testosterone have more masculine features and are therefore more physically attractive. In contrast, women with higher levels of testosterone also have more masculine features and are therefore less physically attractive. The race differences in the level of testosterone can therefore potentially explain why black women are less physically attractive than women of other races, while (net of intelligence) black men are more physically attractive than men of other races.

Personally, I’m outraged about this.  Not surprised, but outraged.  Black women birth black babies and further the black race.  Thus, “they” must attack, berate, and abuse us in the media or otherwise.  Don’t believe me?  Google “Michelle Obama”.

There is also a long history of psychology research focusing on the suggested inferiority of Black people.  Has history taught us nothing?  It has taught us to know racist and eugenic talk from the psychological community a mile a way.

To the author:
You might as well use “negroid” or “ape-like” in your piece, Mr. Kanazawa.  “The only thing I can think of…”, you say??  That sounds like you are trying to pass off your opinions as fact.  Beauty has always been in the eye of the beholder.  Just say that you don’t find black women attractive and that your opinion is shared by some other men.  This is America and we have the right to voice or opinions.  We all know what color Barbie is and that the European standard of beauty is the STANDARD.  You as an Asian man know the struggles that Asian women go through trying to conform.  As a person of color, you should realize how people of color in America see themselves differently than how those outside of their race see them.

Black women are not less attractive, as your title states.  Opinion is just opinion.  Men just like what they like.  As an old song said, “If you don’t like it, don’t knock it.   Somebody else might wanna rock it.”


  • What is “AddHealth”?
  • Who paid for this study?


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“Baby Momma” and other things that are not job titles

“Baby Momma” is not a job title.  It should not be the period at the end of your life’s run-on sentence.  I don’t care if your Baby Daddy is Lil Wayne and you’re standing at Rikers Island today with arms wide open and a fresh weave (all 3…I mean 4 of yall…I think…hell I don’t know how many chicks have had Lil Wayne’s kids!).

I know a whole lot of strong single moms out there who are not just “baby mommas”.  They are working professionals, artists, spiritual sages, supportive friends, and so much more.  I’m seeing a wave on TV and online (blogs mostly) where black women who have had babies by male stars are simply referred to as “So-in-so’s Baby Momma”.  Not the “Girlfriend” or “Ex-girlfriend”.  Not the “Mother of his child”.  No acknowledgement of the fact that some of these women are stars in their own right, business owners, etc.  I take issue with this because we live in an aspirational society where we see black girls striving to be video vixens.  I’m talking “stand there and shake you butt” chicks, not I have a “M.F.A in Dance from Howard” professional dancers.  (I can respect strippers more than video models because they have a regular gig and can work a 40 hour week.)  Will young girls looking for acceptance and wanting the fame decide that being the “Baby Momma” of some notable man is the new route to stardom?

Just because you get a check doesn’t make it a job.  Things happen.  A lot of women are single moms, but most of the ones I know would not suggest someone take on that role in an effort to come up in the world.  It’s not different than aspiring to win the lottery or play for the NBA…most that try won’t win and most try won’t play.

Other things that aren’t job titles:

  • BOSS – Said the way Fantasia’s brother says it.  If you don’t have employees on a payroll, you’re not a boss
  • Jumpoff
  • Video Vixen – Not the same as a model
  • Rapper – If you are over the age of 40 and you’re not legend in the game.  It could be a hobby, though.


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Butt Naked Wednesdays: Erykah Badu’s Advice to Women in the Music Industry – Video

“Butt neked with glitter on ya wit a beeper….Butt Neked Wednesdays”
“Do some hoe shit”

I know she’s being funny in this video, but in light of her recent video, Window Seat, I’m sure people are calling it irony and foreshadowing.  I still love her boldness and respect the message she is trying to give in “Window Seat”.  We all know what’s really going on in the music industry when it comes to the images of black women.

BTW: This clip is from a great documentary called “Before the Music Dies“.  If you love real music, it’s a must see.


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Erykah Badu: We love your nakedness

I was really, really shocked at the negative response that many Black people have had to Erykah Badu’s “Window Seat” video.  Outside of the fact that filming was done without a proper permit (which could bring some legal heat from the City of Dallas), I really didn’t understand the drama.   Then I remembered that she’s a black woman.

  • She is a black woman who has not allowed her image to be over-sexualized in the media.
  • She is not Trina or Lil Kim.  She’s not a video vixen
  • She is a “natural sista” and “earth mother goddess” whom many have put on a royal pedestal to be held up as an example of truth and light
  • She’s done something shocking and many are not comfortable with it.

How dare she make you uncomfortable?  How dare she try to do something different and strange?  How dare she be so “out of the box.”  Right?

This is all about the boxes that Badu is metaphorically evolving from in the video.  The boxes that say in the Black community only video hoes, strippers, female rappers and the like can take their clothes off in public.  It’s ok for them right?  The boxes that are at work right now telling us that we should not THINK that this video is ok.  We should think what THEY say we should think, right?

Of course, sisters with wisdom and truth, who wear their hair without chemical straighteners and understand mathematics would never expose themselves to make a point, right?

If you agree with that, I’m sure you’d  agree that Black people don’t do performance art anyway?  We can’t possibly understand all of the symbolism in the video because we are so caught up in the “groupthink”.  The same groupthink that says Waka Flocka Flame and Soulja Boy make good music.  Isn’t that right?

So let’s all just take this video at face value and join in the chorus of people who don’t get it and can’t accept it.  Let’s stay on the surface and not dig deeper.  Let’s assassinate the character of the beautiful black sister who is trying to speak to us from a place of vulnerability in her art.  Let’s do to her what she’s already symbolically done to herself…strip down her motives and assassinate her character.

“As soon as the thought came to my mind, I decided to assassinate myself as a gesture. Because it was going to happen anyway. The video is a prediction of what is happening now. […] I would like to say that it was a protest to awaken a term called ‘groupthink.’ It’s a term that was coined in 1952. It’s the recognition of a state of being for humans. It’s human nature for a person to be afraid to express his or her self in fear of being ostracized by the group or general consensus,” the singer explains.  – source

I don’t know about y’all, but I’d rather see a video like this, something risky and artistic, than 90% of what I usually see in the media.  I’d much rather see nakedness with a point than random booty shaking and bikinis.

Erykah Badu, I love your nakedness, your vulnerability, and your strength.  I hope you sell lots of downloads and CDs.


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Once Upon a Time, You Were Not White

Once upon a time in America; Italians, Jews, and Irish people were not considered White.  Yes, it’s surprising.  Some people who are classified as White may not consider themselves Caucasian.  Many people consider the concept of race to be an illusion, a construct to be defined and re-defined.  For example, you may consider yourself white until you find out that your great-great-grandfather was a Louisiana born Black Creole who passed for white in the north.

Last night I saw author  and Princeton professor Nell Irvin Painter was on “The Colbert Report” discussing her new book  “The History of White People” [Read some of it for free on Google Books].  She talked about how race is not permanent, how definitions of race are affected by education, class and sex, and the history of the definition of whiteness.  The interview was a lot of fun, but I [like Colbert] had no idea what the book was really about at the end of the segment.  Her interview with NPR provides A LOT more information.

Painter is the author of Sojourner Truth: A Life, A Symbol (1996) and several other scholarly works on the history of slavery and race relations in America, most recently Creating Black Americans (2006). Her latest selection examines the history of “whiteness” as a racial category and rhetorical weapon: who is considered to be “white,” who is not, what such distinctions mean, and how notions of whiteness have morphed over time in response to shifting demographics, aesthetic tastes, and political exigencies. After a brief look at how the ancients conceptualized the differences between European peoples, Painter focuses primarily on the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries. There, the artistic idealization of beautiful white slaves from the Caucasus combined with German Romantic racial theories and lots of spurious science to construct an ideology of white superiority which, picked up by Ralph Waldo Emerson and other race-obsessed American intellectuals, quickly became an essential component of the nation’s uniquely racialized discourse about who could be considered an American. Presenting vivid psychological portraits of Emerson and dozens of other figures variously famous and obscure, and carefully mapping the links between them, Painter’s narrative succeeds as an engaging and sophisticated intellectual history, as well as an eloquent reminder of the fluidity (and perhaps futility) of racial categories. –Brendan Driscol, Booklist

Video –

Here is part of an awesome documentary that aired some years ago on PBS that deals in detail with the evolution of race


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48% of Black Women Have Herpes

Damn. Black Women, we have been dealt another blow.

I’m still reeling from the HIV/AIDS stats that came out last year, so this is terrible to hear.  By-the-way, bid you know today, March 10th is Women and Girls HIV/AIDS Awareness Day 2010?   HIV has now become the leading cause of death among Black women ages 25 to 34.  Add to that the news that CDC is reporting that 48% of Black Women in America have herpes, and you have a serious problem that no one is talking about.  (Overall, the CDC estimates that one in six Americans is infected with the herpes virus.)

Black folks, we typically don’t discuss our sexual business in public, but I think we need to start being more open and honest about our sex lives.  Education and Accountability are in order.

Where is the black church on this?  Where is the outrage from our “leaders” and calls for education and personal responsiblity?  Black women are the backbone of our communities and they are facing a major challenge.  What are your thoughts on this?

More info:


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Abortion, Genocide, and Eugenics in the Black Community

There as been a lot of talk and coverage about the Anti-Abortion billboards posted in various cities that warn of Black children being an “Endangered Species” [click here for a mashup of articles and perspectives]. That’s an interesting term “species”.   I feel that using that term to describe a race of people lessens their humanity.  We normally usually use this term when referring to animals, mammals, or beasts, not people.  Oddly, it brings to mind the 20th Century Eugenics movement.

Eugenic  ideology was popular in the early 20th century.  Just Google eugenics and you’ll find out.  There is a documented link between Abortion in America and eugenics that should not be overlooked.

Eugenicists strongly espoused racial supremacy and “purity”,” particularly of the “Aryan” race. Eugenicists hoped to purify the bloodlines and improve the race by encouraging the “fit” to reproduce and the “unfit” to restrict their reproduction. They sought to contain the “inferior” races through segregation, sterilization, birth control and abortion. – source

You may not be aware but, there was a time in America where many black people were sterilized due to these types of beliefs.  The excuses given were that those who were feeble minded, idiots, morons, insane, syphilitic, epileptic, and/or criminal were not fit to live with the rest of society and should not be allowed to procreate. Feeble-mindedness and criminal tendencies were often cited in the case of blacks.  Unwed mothers also fell victim.  However, I should note that poor whites and other immigrants also suffered from sterilization.  Virginia’s Racial Integrity Act of 1924 is just an example:

Eugenics Activists Bend the Law to Target Minorities

From the very beginning the motive behind the eugenics laws had been to eliminate ethnic minorities, especially “Negroes.”

Writing in an infamous 1893 “open letter” published in the Virginia Medical Monthly, Hunter Holmes McGuire, a Richmond physician and president of the American Medical Association, asked for “some scientific explanation of the sexual perversion in the Negro of the present day.” McGuire’s correspondent, Chicago physician G. Frank Lydston, replied that African-American men raped white women because of “[h]ereditary influences descending from the uncivilized ancestors of our Negroes.” Lydston’s solution to this problem was not lynching, but surgical castration which “prevents the criminal from perpetuating his kind.”[14]

In 1935, a decade after the passage of Virginia’s eugenics laws, Plecker expressed the desire to use forced sterilization on minorities in correspondence with Walter Gross, director of Nazi Germany’s Bureau of Human Betterment and Eugenics. Plecker described Virginia’s racial purity laws and requested to be put on Gross’ mailing list. Plecker commented upon the Third Reich’s sterilization of 600 children in Algeria who were born of German women to black fathers. “I hope this work is complete and not one has been missed,” he wrote. “I sometimes regret that we have not the authority to put some measures in practice in Virginia.”[15]

Despite lacking the statutory authority to sterilize black, mulatto and American Indian children simply because they were “colored”, a small number of Virginia eugenicist in key positions found ways to achieve their end. The Sterilization Act gave State institutions, including hospitals, psychiatric institutions and prisons, the statutory authority to sterilize persons deemed to be “feeble minded” — a highly subjective criterion.

Did you know that the founder of Planned Parenthood, Margaret Sanger, was a devout eugenicist who created the Negro Project.  Many say it was designed to sterilize unknowing black women and others she deemed as undesirables of society?   Continue reading

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R Kelly got off: Don’t act like you’re surprised!

Aaron McGruder had it right all along (see video). And who’s surprised…no body! I mean it took more than half a decade to get him in court. One of the craziest things about the end of this ordeal is that a lot of people I’ve talked to are both happy and not so happy at the same time. They like R. Kelly, so they are glad he got off…but…they feel he was probably guilty, which could put a question mark in the mind regarding other people who’ve allegedly done similar crimes getting off too. Well, let me comfort you on the second point if you are similarly conflicted. OJ got off…that hasn’t made the courts soft on murder or getting someone to kill your spouse. The R Kelly trial is not a benchmark moment in legal history. Trust me.

Any hoooo, an interesting new legal term came out of the trial…

“I’m pretty sure there’s not one person on the face of the earth who honestly believes that some shadowy miscreants digitally altered the famous Kelly sex-tape, putting his face on some random dude’s body the way special-effects people put Shawn Wayans’s head on a baby in Little Man. It’s basically impossible, considering the costs and logistics and the general pointlessness of such an enterprise. And yet that’s what Kelly’s lawyers claim might’ve happened. The press even called it the Little Man defense. Reading the daily trial reports, I was totally dumbfounded that Kelly’s assuredly very expensive legal team couldn’t have come up with anything better than that.” – Village Voice


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